01.> Till I hook this up to Sanity

This post started out as a letter to Terry Jaymes Alive. Like that "inspirational ****er", its time to start the ball rolling on life goals.

I have been meaning to create this site for a couple of weeks now.

I recently had a baby girl. During the delivery there were complications.

A rough epidural, a broken vacuum, and an overhead view of an episiotomy... shit hit the fan for baby's first moments.

"Relax, I am fine." Nadja said.

We spent 10 days in the NICU at a different hospital.The first day there, she stopped breathing while I was holding her hand. That was a lot to deal with.

Plus, you aren't alone in the NICU. You are there with other families. There was a baby born at 23 weeks in the ward. It's a massive amount of emotion and information to be around.

To say the least, my focus and mojo have gone to shit. I can't meditate or shoot my bow. Trying to work happens.

It's like I lost my connection with, everything.

PooPoo Point Hike
PooPoo Point Hike.

My back up is going for a run or walk in the woods. But the weather out here hasn't been stellar.

It feels pretty close to getting popped in the nose and stunned when boxing. It takes a bit to realign your perception and understand that you got smacked in the face.

In aftermath of a traumatic event, I am curious how people deal. How do you deal with these kinds of major events that leave you reeling?

Even with excitement from those first 10 days, it has been the most positive experience of my life.

And its inspiring.

40th Bday Tats
40th Bday Tats.

As I rush back to productivity, "fully inspired", I realize I had seen my wife's vagina snipped open by scissors too. Almost a process of rediscovery and hitting a brick wall all at once.

For the reader, baby and mom are doing amazing. I swear my partner is part machine. For me this will just "take some time".

Nadja says, "Hi hi hi!"

How do you deal with major life changing situations that leave you stunned? What do you do to start picking up the pieces of the aftermath? There isn't a spot for you to respond.

Those thoughts are for you if they mean anything.

Going forward, I will begin to connect this site and grow it out. I have a Sanity based back end ready to go. I need to get off my butt and write the serializer for that to happen.

Expect progress about my game Croplike, web dev moments of joy, or more inspirational memos as I garner fame and fortune.